These past few days, I've been put in different situations, that allowed me to see that there is something major that God is working in my life, and that is the ability to SPEAK my mind. He is showing me that I've put myself in akward situation's and have accumulated alot of frustrations because of the times that I was affraid to SPEAK.
Tell me Bloggers have you even been in a situation where you wanted to say something but you were stuck? Nothing is comming out, all of the sudden you have lost the ability to SPEAK. You feel like you are going to explode, but nothing comes out! The moment that the conversation is over and that you have had time to think about it, all the perfect answers come down ready to be released. But too late! Everyone is either gone or have moved on.
Along my walk I realized that one major reason for me not expressing myself was FEAR.
- Fear of confrontation
- Fear of jugement
- Fear of being misunderstood
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of hurting others
Anyone who knows me or who sees me will never believe that I have a hard time expressing myself. Why? Well because I'm extraverted, so when I'm somewhere I'm usually very open to others. But what am I saying?
You will see me smilling,joking and talking to different people. That's very good, but if something goes wrong or if I feel hurt, my walls will come back up, I will most likely slowly retrieve myself or hide behind more jokes and stories.
When I was younger I was very shy and would make an opinion of others in the first few seconds that I met them. Then I would deal with them according to what I have decerned. Because most of my jugements were based on fear, I missed out on plenty of good relationship with some awesome people! If you are thinking, how does she know? Well I know, because I became friends with some of them later on lol!
In order to have victory over shyness, I started to face my fears by doing this simple thing. Everywhere I go I make eye contact or I introduce myself in the first 5 min. If I don't know anyone I'll look through the room and allow God to connect me with someone that I can talk too in order to break the ice. It works every time I've been doing it for years :))
Ok that is pretty cool. But God want's to take me to this place where I allow myself to SPEAK and be real at all times. Too often I was worried about what others would think or about loosing friendships because of my honesty. I did not understand that any relationship without truth is doomed to fail. Actually some of my best friendships are those where I know that the person will always tell me the truth and question me even when it hurts and that I am also allowed to say the truth. It has to be both ways!
That is off course when the truth is said with Love and Respect!!!
I must admit that there was a time in my life, where I would SPEAK my mind but I was lacking wisdom. The truth would come out a little too strongly. But now I have grown wiser, but I also went to the other extreme, where I only speak my mind, if I know that I will be recieved or not percieved as weak. Specially if it has to do with what I see in other people's life, or if what I'm about to say will go in contradiction with the opinion of others.
Today I saw a clip from a message of Claudette Copleland, and she was talking about real friendships and how when you are in a true relationship God will allow you to see things in order for you to eighter pray for that person or for you to SPEAK the truth to them. It really left me with the desire to honor my friendships by being real!
- How about you bloggers, how do you deal with touchy subjects?
- Are you comfortable speaking your mind and share your feelings with your friends, co-workers, Leaders or familly members?
- Are you stuck with a bunch of emotions that were never expressed?
- Are you the type that always agrees with everyone because you are afraid of their reactions?
- Are you willing to be who God has called you to be?
I'm greatfull that God is really shifting my mind and he is really helping me focuss on him. I find that I've come a long way and that although there is still alot of room to grow, I got better at sharing my thoughts and at being vulnerable with others. My challenge remains in the area of going back on things that I never said and in continuing to face those with who I find it harder to be myself. But I'm allowing God to show me what is necessary and what have to let go, when to SPEAK and what to say. Sometimes it's just not worthed to dig in the past or to say certain things just to make a point :) The most important thing for me right now is to embrace who God is calling me to be. I saw a quote on someones page that really fits my reality...
Now with God's help I shall become MYSELF! (Soren Kierkegaard)
That's all she wrote bloggers!
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